A Piece of My Heart

I've had alot of solitude lately, i'm really growing accustomed to it. i'm not sure whether i like it or not yet. everynow and then it cuts me to pieces when i arrive home at the end of the day, where i either find everyone in bed, or the family is out for the evening. i've definitely been spending more time in the upstairs quarters than before, but only because there's not much room downstairs to dwell in.
the other day the dear (whisteling) neighbor Mr. VanDerBurgh asked me, after i was talking to him and i was walking back to the house, "you home alone?"
i answered a simple, "yep. it seems to happen alot these days." i smiled as i said this, but my insides were crumbeling at the realization. yes, i am home alone alot.
i cry out for company.
i long for one of these beautiful afternoons where i can flee from my ever calling homework and take a camera out with kate and we can take tons of pictures in some field where the grass has grown too high.

haha, i really shouldn't complain. most people when they talk of having not much company, they really mean no company. they are re the people who have had all of their older siblings for off to college and are just waiting for their turn to move on because home life is not so exciting as it used to be. i, on the other hand, still have 4 siblings living at home. sometimes i don't see Justin for a day or two though, Brett is usually either sleeping or at Eileen's or with Paul, and Kate is mostly on campus (when she's home i cherish her, to be sure).
well. i have the Ryan. he's a good kid, and i love him.

speaking of hair dye...Kate and i are going to dye our hair tomorrow, Lord willing. not anything drastic, but just a little darker for both of us. mine we'll probably dye it a darker brown and i'm not sure what for Kate. the 24 wash-out kind. :) it's gonna be swell.

and there you have it.

"Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on."

thanks to kate for these amazing crocs. it's not like she gave them to me or anything, but you know, we're sharing kind of girls. tonight i also wore my jean jacket and hoodie combo for the first time this fall...but that's not saying much because only it's the first day of fall.

you know those times in our individual christian walks where we have this little dry spell, where nothing really sounds fresh or there isn't anything that makes us want to burst out in a shout of joy, we don't find anything to be passionate about?
well, that's kind of been my week in a sentence, the only thing worth talking about, really. but yesterday night (thursday night), we had bible study which my dad leads. it was the first of one this semester. as i was thinking of what i should post about i looked to my left to see the old chalk board. that old chalk board has had so many genius things written by my dad on it over the length of its existence, it is amazing. every tuesday night my dad and i get together to talk about my chemistry, math, and spanish confusions and questions, and he writes graphs and diagrams on it and things to help me visualize things and to make me understand better. well, --back to the bible study thing. he decided to make a little illustration of what he was teaching on. de drew a circle on the left, and a circle on the right. the circle on the left held all the nature of sin and the consequences, such as: darkness, death, wicked, sinners, flesh, judgment, and condemnation. on the right he wrote the contrast and opposite of those things: life, light, Christ, saints, righteous(ness), spirit, forgiveness, and mercy.
he drew an arrow going from the left circle into the right, and put a cross sort of in the middle. and, it's not like i never thought of this sort of thing, i think i may have taught my bible study on it, but it was something that i wished he would just keep talkign about. just keep going...the way we were, and now the way we are in Christ Jesus our Lord. When we're in the bondage of sin, we are in satan's domain, in his power, we were wicked, did things "according to the flesh", there was judgment. but when we crossed over, when at one point we believe in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are saved, and thus we are passed through darkness and into light, we are God's, we're made righteous through Jesus, we have forgiveness, and the Spirit of God dwells in us.
that dry spell was taken away by these words...i thought, and realized the truth of this, and how holy and loving God is. my Father in heaven. to think that one day i will go to be with him because He sought and saved me, is a thought i never want to stop thinking. in heaven someday i will go to my home and praise Him forevermore. there will be no more crying or pain. it will be an everlasting joy.
it brings my heart alive, to praise the Almighty God.
He is so holy, and i so lowly, but praise be to Him, because i am saved through the blood of Jesus Christ.

It's in Japanese, I tell you.

this blogger stuff is comfusing.

today i am tired. today it's raining cats and dogs. though i wish it would only rain kittens and dogs. i would like that much better.

Architecture in Helsinki concert: 16 days baby!
it's gonna be uber-super-sweet time. it's brett, kate, justin, about 4 of justin's art friends, and i. !!!
oh yeah. and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and this other band (don't know what they're called though, it's like Tako Tako or something).

my spanish is calling, so Adios! heh. i'm so bad at it. i can't trill me Rs worth beans. oh well, practice makes pretty perfect.

hello world.